


a relief, a weight

by bankotsu



Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: Aloth Is There Too, Canonical Character Death, F/M, First Kiss, Minor Canon Divergence?, Questionable Decisions Made After Killing Your Nemesis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9276824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bankotsu/pseuds/bankotsu
Summary: The Watcher has a lot of decisions to make. It's no surprise that, once in a while, one isn't made with the most calculated thinking.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes before we get into this! I wrote this back in November, right after I finished PoE. My memory of all the game lore might be a bit off, so sorry if there's any of that (or typos). Also, it's worth mentioning that my Watcher is a pale elf rogue named Sabine. She's pretty cute.
> 
> This is my first fanfic I've uploaded to the internet in... uh, about 5 years? I'm a little nervous!
> 
> Last thing: there's mentions of blood (not enough to where I needed to add it to the tags) and obvious spoilers for the ending of PoE, so watch out! Thanks for reading!!

"You got it figured out, what you're goin' to do about all that?"

He says this with an entirely different meaning than what she takes it as. 

Or, rather, she knows what he _means_ \-- but through the adrenaline and slight relief sticking to her veins and her mind alike, there is only one thing she thinks of.

And that thing is doing something she probably shouldn't do! Not right now, at least, when they're nearly at arms-length with the others. Aloth is off at the remains of Thaos, staring like he's half-expecting the dead man to simply blink and get to his feet like Sabine had not just crushed his very soul, mere moments ago. Well, it isn't like that prospect is too far off, anyway. Thaos had been near immortal!

That isn't the case anymore, though, and while she had been confused and unsure of so many things throughout this journey, this is something she is absolutely sure of. Thaos is dead! Dead and gone, and even the possibility of reincarnation was null; how can a soul be reincarnated if there _is_ no soul to reincarnate?

However, this isn't the point. Thaos is still clear in her mind, of course, but that isn't _really_ the point-- there is a certain rush to killing someone thought to be unkillable; to ending someone or something that had been in league with a god. 

Sabine, despite having wandered and adventured her whole life, has never truly felt like this before! Everything has been leading up to this, it feels like, and any of her kills before this? They didn't have the implications and weight of killing someone like Thaos. They didn't have complete dominion over her thoughts for months-- they didn't drive her to near insanity like he did.

And so, what are you left with after that?

Adrenaline, and a lot of it. Her heart beats hard in her chest, and though she is shaking with the intensity of it, she is still trying to keep relatively calm-- she had begun speaking to Edér with the voice of someone who didn't sound completely on the edge of kind of freaking out. 

Sure, she isn't hallucinating about torture devices and screaming and whispers and ghosts, but this feeling is still like an itch she can't quite scratch-- like she needs to yell, or hit something really hard, or maybe pass out.

Or, in her case, reach out your gloved, trembling hands to the sides of Edér's face and kiss him like it is the last thing you are about to ever do.

The hood normally covering her head had tumbled off some time in the midst of the battle before, and so her messily tied up hair probably has splatters of blood and dirt in it-- her blue-white skin is definitely not spared that treatment, either. She surely didn't smell the greatest, too, but hey-- Edér was a farmboy for most of his life, and if he lived in a place like the Gilded Vale-- well, let's just say he was accustomed to a less than favorable smell now and then, she figures. (The infamous Corpse Tree is something that comes to mind.)

All in all, she most likely isn't the most attractive person Edér has had to have kissed. Did she care? At the moment, not really. Will she regret this later? Uh, yeah, probably.

And besides the thrumming of her heart in her ears and the jingle of her earrings as she moves to kiss him, it is quiet. As far as she can tell; she isn't exactly in the position to be assessing the others' reactions, what with her lips pressed flush to Edér's and her eyes closed tight. 

One thing she does notice, though, is the way he promptly tenses. She feels it immediately, since-- she's kind of pressed to him, actually. He doesn't even really react. There's no parting of lips, there's no hand on her waist or fingers at her back. There is nothing!

While it felt like it lasted far too long than it actually did (which, is a little reminiscent of the random hallucinations and visions she had been dealing with)-- in reality, it only lasted about a few seconds, before she pulled away from him and released the palms on his cheeks.

She opens her eyes and sees him, mouth slightly parted like he wants to say something but is utterly lost at what to say, or how to articulate it. His eyes are wide. She blinks back. 

It feels, now, like a haze has been lifted from her thoughts. When she killed Thaos, drove her daggers through him and crushed his soul, it had been a relief; a mist had dissipated, even, but was replaced by the thick haze of adrenaline and the need to have some sort of release. She had needed to do something, anything. And once she heard his voice, deep and calm and comforting and open, she found that she could actually not contain it. 

It had been a chore enough to speak to him clearly, as if she wasn't struggling with some weird sudden panic of: _oh my gods, i know we're around all the others right now and everything-- and the corpse of the guy who had been making me go increasingly crazy over these past few months-- but i am actually about to burst if i don't kiss you right now! also we've kind of had this weird sexual tension thing going on!_ Yeah, that. Whatever that is.

But now, she looks at him clearly. 

And now, she feels like she can truthfully answer the question he had asked her, before. 

"Yes," she says, a small smile on her blue lips, watching his eyebrows furrow as he tries to process what she's referring to, or what just happened.

Before he has the time to gather his wits and question her, she turns on her feet and walks toward the ancient machine. Now, she can make a decision that will shape the future and the state of the Dyrwood, and she can do it with a clear, concise mind. 

There's always time for regretting her stupid decision later, anyway.


End file.
